Secret Page

THE SECRET PAGE
Guarded BY Bup
The 1MeanDog

Dear God: Why do humans
smell the flowers, but
seldom, if ever, smell one
another?

Dear God: When we get to
heaven, can we sit on your
couch? Or is it still the same
old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars
named after the jaguar, the
cougar, the mustang, the
colt, the stingray, and the
rabbit, but not ONE named
for a dog? How often do you
see a cougar riding around?
We do love a nice ride!
Would it be so hard to
rename the "Chrysler Eagle"
the Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his
head off in the forest and no
human hears him, is he still
a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can
understand human verbal
instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers,
beepers, scent ID's,
electromagnetic energy
fields, and Frisbee flight
paths. What do humans
understand?

Dear God: More meatballs,
less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen
in Heaven? If there are, will I
have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a
list of just some of the
things I must remember in
order to be a good dog;

1. I will not eat the cats' food
before they eat it or after
they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead
animals, fish, smelly things
I find, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.

3. The diaper pail is not a
cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face
towel'.

5. The garbage collector is
not stealing our stuff.

6. My head does not belong
in the refrigerator or
dishwasher.

7. I will not bite the officer's
hand when he reaches in for
Mom's driver's license and
registration.

8. I will not play tug-of-war
with Dad's underwear when
he's on the toilet.

9. Sticking my nose into
someone's crotch is an
unacceptable way of saying
"hello".

10. I don't need to suddenly
stand straight up when I'm
under the coffee table.

11. I must shake the
rainwater out of my fur
before entering the house -
not after.

12. I will not throw up in the
car.

13. I will not come in from
outside and immediately
drag my butt.

14. I will not sit in the
middle of the living room
and lick my crotch when we
have company.

15. The cat is not a
'squeaky toy' so when I play
with him and he makes that
noise, it's usually not a good
thing.

And, finally, my last
question...

Dear God: When I get to
Heaven may I have my
testicles back?

1MeanDog's letter to God

1MeandDog's 10 Pet Peeves
about humans

1. Blaming your farts on
me.. not funny.. not funny
at all !!!

2 Yelling at me for
barking... I'M A FRIGGIN'
DOG, YOU IDIOT!

3. Taking me for a walk,
then not letting me check
stuff out. Exactly whose
walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves
balancing food on my nose...
stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves
bows or ribbons. Now you
know why we chew your
stuff up when you're not
home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake
fetch throw. You fooled a
dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo! What
a proud moment for the top of
the food chain...

7. Taking me to the vet for
"the big snip", then acting
surprised when I freak out
every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff
the crotches of your guests.
Sorry, but I haven't quite
mastered that handshake
thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello ???
Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted
when I lick myself. Look, we
both know the truth, you're
just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of
these thing's. We both know
who's boss here! You don't
see me picking up your poop
do you ?